Smoke
by Seb-asstian Verlac
Summary: Clary wanted to tell him not to go, not to leave her again, after so many times.


"I've been thinking a lot lately," Jace started, his lack of sleep evident from the dark circles under his eyes, "about things I've said or done that might have hurt you." He brushed his cheeks, and a look of surprise formed on his handsome face when he found tears. They glistened in the sunlight streaming in from Clary's window. Even in his worst, he was still the most beautiful thing she'd laid her eyes on. "I know the things I did were wrong, but I kept doing them anyway. I didn't think they'd hurt you," he explained. Clary stood in front of him in silence.

"Do you remember that time when I kissed Aline and you wouldn't talk to me for a week?" Jace asked. "I told you to get over it, even though it was me who cheated on you. I'm sorry, Clare. I only did it because you'd spent your whole evening with Simon instead of me. I was such a jealous train-wreck, yet you still forgave me." He sniffled, hiding his eyes with his hair in shame. Clary said nothing in reply. "I thought you'd leave me, but you didn't."

"Do you remember that time when I flirted with all the girls at school to make you jealous, and you were?" Once again, she stood as still as stone in front of him, her whole body frozen, "I thought you'd slap me, but you didn't. I'm so, _so_ sorry, Clary. I love you…I was such a terrible boyfriend. You deserved so much better…I-I never meant to hurt you." He whispered slowly, his eyes watering.

"There was that one time I called your painting ugly, and I said you should just give up on drawing altogether because you were horrible at it," he rubbed his arms, shivering, and not just because of the cold. "That…was horrid. God, Clary…I'm sorry. I was just so mad and I took it out on you…" his face tightened in agony as he explained. "I thought you'd hate me…but you didn't." She didn't say anything back, but instead just rolled her eyes at Jace. Her? Hate him? She laughed inside her head, _impossible, _she thought. She could never hate Jace.

"Yes, there were lots of things you did and didn't do, but you stayed with me the whole time, and I never said thank you. I'm so sorry, Clary. For everything. Truly." His voice was full of sincerity and regret. He walked around her room and sat down on her bed, willing her to come to him, but she didn't. She watched as he fiddled with the shattered picture frame that sat on her dresser, inside was a picture of them together, that she'd hurtled towards a wall when she found out about him kissing Aline. He cringed when he saw the crack in the middle, tears slipping from his eyes onto the picture. "Fuck, I'm sorry. You must've been so angry at me, I'm sorry…I never knew you were hurting," she sat next to him, but she didn't feel the bed dip as she did so.

"I wish I didn't have to do this without you, Clare." Jace said. "I never realized what I had. I never realized how much it meant to have you there by my side when I stood up on that stage. I've never been so alone." He admitted. They were finally graduating high school, and Clary shook her head, because he wouldn't be alone. Everyone would be there to support him, all the way. He chewed on his bottom lip anxiously, "It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember...I love you, Clary." She still hadn't said anything, she tried to reach out to touch his shoulder, but he stood up and flinched away from her touch.

She watched as he began putting everything away that he'd touched, making sure the room was how it originally was, "I'm sorry. I have to go. The ceremony is starting." He said sadly, "even now, I leave you for the most stupidest of things. I'm sorry. I'm not even meant to be here," Clary wanted to tell him not to go, not to leave her again, after so many times. But she couldn't. Jace walked out of her room, his shoes echoing softly in the dimly-lit hallway. Clary trailed after him, hot on his heels, not wanting him to go. She grasped for his hand, but she couldn't reach him. He was so far.

When he reached the front door and taken one step out into the balcony, he stood up on the steps and took one last look behind him, at the house full of memories of them. He turned around the whole way and whispered, "There were a lot of things I wanted to make up to you when you came home from your flight from Alicante," he said softly, "but you didn't."

In the distance, Clary could hear Simon and Isabelle driving up to park in front of the house, talking loudly and laughing. She wondered how it could still bug her that they still weren't together after all this time. It wasn't like it could now, now that she was dead.

She took one last look at her beautiful fallen angel that was Jace, and walked towards his tear streaked face. She stood up on her tippy-toes to kiss him for one last time, but it was like kissing smoke.


End file.
